‘Ain’t Got A Hold of Me’ - From Song Paralysis to Self Production
Song of the week
The Song That Took Me From Song Paralysis to Self-Production
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What do you do when you're writing more songs than you can afford to produce?
That was the question I found myself facing last year.
I wasn't short on ideas.
I wasn't short on songs.
I was short on a way forward.
The answer ended up changing the way I make music.
The Song Behind The Story
This week's song is a little different because the story behind it is just as important as the song itself.
Ain't Got a Hold of Me wasn't the first song I wrote—I'm well and truly deep into the 10,000-hour journey by now—but it was one of the first songs that pushed me into producing my own material after returning to music with a genuine determination to make it work as a career.
At the time, I had a catalogue full of songs I believed in, but not the budget to professionally produce every one of them.
Like many independent artists and songwriters, I had more songs than resources.
The Problem: Too Many Songs, Not Enough Resources
After a conversation with a musical friend (who also happens to be a great guitar teacher - aka: Zac Watson ), I realised I was looking at the problem the wrong way.
Instead of waiting until I could afford to produce every song professionally, I decided to start building them myself.
I've spent years around studios and music production, but much of my journey still feels like learning by doing—experimenting, adapting and figuring things out as I go.
Because of an injury in my right arm, long hours at a computer or playing instruments can be challenging at times. Even so, I opened Logic, gathered together virtual instruments, samples, programmed drums, vocal ideas and whatever else I could find to help bring the vision to life.
The Shift That Changed Everything
I wasn't trying to create a finished record.
I was trying to create a blueprint.
A way to move songs beyond voice memos and rough demos and closer to something real WITHOUT SENDING MYSELF BROKE.
That shift in thinking unlocked something for me.
I write multiple songs every week, and one of the hardest parts of the process is deciding which songs are worth taking further.
Sometimes the answer comes from a friend hearing a rough demo and saying, "I love that one, Es."
Sometimes it's simply the songs that refuse to leave me alone.
Either way, creating production blueprints gave me a practical way to move songs forward.
From Topliner to Self-Producer
My process has evolved dramatically over the years.
I started as a topliner—writing melodies over beats sent by producers.
Today, I work in many different ways to arrive at a song.
The tools available to independent artists are incredible, and they've allowed me to draft productions that can then be handed over to talented session musicians with references, notes and creative direction.
Ain't Got a Hold of Me was the song that started that process.
It also reinforced something I care deeply about: the value of real musicians collaborating to bring songs to life.
Looking Back
Looking back now, I can hear all the things I'd do differently.
I've re-recorded vocals more times than I'd like to admit, simplified parts that were too difficult, and I'm currently waiting on an alternate guitar version that may take the song in a completely different direction.
But that's part of the journey.
Every song teaches me something new about writing, arranging, producing and trusting my instincts.
Why This Song Matters
This recording isn't perfect, but it represents a turning point.
It's the song that gave me permission to stop waiting and start creating.
And for that reason, it'll always hold a special place in my catalogue.
One Last Thing...
If you listen right to the very end of the track, you'll hear two things.
A couple of birds chirping outside my studio window.
And my keyboard spacebar hitting stop.
I noticed it when I was listening back and had a laugh.
Most people would probably edit that out.
I left it in.
Because that's kind of the point.
Ain't Got a Hold of Me wasn't the song that taught me how to make perfect records.
It was the song that taught me to stop waiting for perfect before moving forward.
So the birds stayed.
The spacebar stayed.
Because I'd rather be authentic than perfect.
— Esther
What's Next?
🎙 Podcast Feature soon
✈️ Nashville Song Camp – June/July 2026
🎵 New music currently in production
Follow the journey → Instagram
